If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
