Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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