So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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