Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
