does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize