I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
