R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
