bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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