I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
