quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
