We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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