i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
