How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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