Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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