So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
