i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize