Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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