Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
