1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
