you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize