And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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