You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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