the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
