Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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