How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
