Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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