party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
