some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
