yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
