Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
