I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
