You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
