is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
