Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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