Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
