He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
