you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
