Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
