When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
