So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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