so that wasnt chicken after all
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
