I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
