Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
