Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
