We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
