i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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