Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize