I will die if light touches me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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