I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
