So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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