At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
