is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
