yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
