May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
