she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
