I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
