I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize