he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
