I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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