This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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