FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize