I've blown a few things in my day
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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