yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This baby is an asshole
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
