whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
