He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
