It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
