My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
