totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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