God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize