Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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