go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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