So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
