i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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