i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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