Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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